Updates iii

OK, I have been writing and rewriting posts but none was finished to my liking, so none got posted up.

I don't know.

Losing a little bit of my dramatic flair, where a little small incidents can be exaggerated to dramatic proportion? YES, very much lost...somewhere.

Maybe in my lab where I kept my nerdy science cap on. Where creative writing diminishes and was thrown in a dark room.

I have been trying to figure out the fascination about Twilight's star, Rob Pattinson. Went to watch the movie and maybe the movie will provide me answers as to why this Rob is now "the perfect man" according to Ryan Seacrest of American Idol fame.

Nope. The movie was bad in my opinion, Rob was delectable inside but is it enough to elicit fanaticism that mega? Something about him must have ticked off that.

I still can't fathom it. But yes, his character, Edward Cullen sort of like made it a dreamy must for girls now.

Wanted-Boyfriends:
1) Bad boy/Rebel
2) Team Captain/Popular
3) Cute mysterious guy

Now girls are adding hot vampire to the list. /shrug

4) Hot vampire.

Tsk.

What else have I been doing? Oh.

Looking at Korean female stars with Chee Liang and figuring out whether any of his so-called fascinations did any plastic surgery to themselves - you know knowing how much it is second nature for Koreans to go for it.

And quite surprised to find out that he doesn't mind plastic surgery (maybe not boobs. or somewhere.. down there) and some of my other guy friends wouldn't mind too. Provided that other people doesn't know (and even better, if he himself doesn't know) that she's plastic.

I was ultimately surprised because I thought most guys condemned plastic surgery. But I think it has finally to come to the ego part; where if nobody else knows she's plastic and the girl (and him) gets the credit for her being outstandingly beautiful, I guess it is another pat on their ego.

I don't even know whether it is good news because now, we can get our flaws fixed and not chastised or sad because now even looking good is at the eyes (and hands) of the surgeon.

What else?

Or The BF has been obsessed or maybe forced to be obsessed with work. He was working the whole of Saturday (today) and now he's at his boss's house warming party. What I am trying to imply is that he is spending all his time on work-related matters.

Which tsk-ed me because I like a level of separation on my part.

Work is work. And life besides work is life besides work.

I would have chose to leash upon him because his work is now stealing my time, since we hardly meet on weekdays and now weekends too. But I realize the whole thing will fall on deaf ears anyways, since it is something he can't prevent and my airing the dissatisfaction will just negatively-polared the whole situation.

But be on the know, that I am not at all pleased with the situation right now. I am trying to be understanding of course because it is a career thing; but nevertheless I strictly condemn any form of workaholics.

The way how I work is, finish what I am only supposed to do, overtimes only to finish what I can't finish and never offer myself up to anything unless I have passion to do it. I know, I may not be your most desirable and dedicated employee, but if you want more from me, you only need to relegate the tasks to me, and it'll be under my responsibility.

Guess I shall end here. My posts so far has been rather dull and negative. Despite so, I am living everyday to the fullest as of how I want to, don't you worry about that. :-)

EDIT: My BF said he is going to find me at 9pm. Now it's 10pm. And his phone is unreachable. Most probably dead. My BF has outdone himself this time. Grrr :-l

While he's busy getting wasted at his boss's party (and ignoring me!), I am going out with the boys! (OMG never think I'll be doing this) HIS BOYS. His freaking good friends. I am so awesome GF of the year pls worship me ok chaooo getting ready!

Updates ii

I guess feeling down and lost in life is inevitable huh?

I thought with my supervisor away this week will invigorate me to looking forward to work, because I have practically finished all the tasks on hand except one, and I have the abundant time to online at work.

But wrong! Instead, I felt lost and disoriented, not because of my supervisor being away (har har miss him??) but more like clueless on the direction I am heading.

I feel goal-less in life, like I am living for no tomorrow. As if I am just waiting for life to throw me a lifeline and be happy at it.

Maybe I'm feeling down because today the security guards called me to their booth and sort of like remind me to wear decently. :-(

They said I should try to keep the discipline and wear skirts below my knee.

Funny, because I thought my skirt would pass because while it isn't below the knee, it is not above the knee. Probably directly at the knee length and I was cursing under my breath because of the strict nonsense.

I went into the lab and even measured how far am I away from "below knee length" and it was approximately 0.5cm. Curse some more. And then it struck me, as they are just doing their job and it was partly my fault since I could have just played safe and stayed with pants and long skirts.

I tried to shrug off the down feeling of "being called", but no avail to this point. And realized that the part where they talked about discipline really offended me because since secondary school, if there's anything, discipline is one thing I tried to instill in myself.

EDIT: wtf!!! security guard!!!! im so pissed! Just now I went out for lunch and on the way back in to the fac after, he said to me - "Halooo, nanti tukar ah!" (referring to my skirt in case you are lost) - of which my reaction was rolling my eyes and "ahhh"!!!

WTF! Tukar nanti? You think everyone got a set of change clothes in their office ha! stupid guard!! I will abide by your not higher than knee length tomorrow, can or not!!! so kan chiong wad for! I am not one of your bloody students and stop treating me like one just because I wear one and look like one (young ma, yerdeh) - I am one of the employees there dammit, treat me with a little respect can!!!!

curse curse curse u! Obviously just out to find fault in people without reasonable thinking and there I was thinking before that you are just doing your job!

And it doesn't help that a sales representative came and tried to appear friendly today and I wasn't accommodating at all to him, and now I feel bad. :-(

Sigh Suzie, why are you living in a world full of regrets!?

Sighhhh. The ecstatic feeling from the Scout camp last weekend and hanging out with everybody is starting to wear off, how I wish life is nothing but good times! But you know the rule, you won't appreciate the good if there isn't the bad.

I wish I taken pics at the camp last weekend, I've just realized I lost all my Scouting pics! *double sadness*

OK, back to more reading. People from sec school, from Scouts, from uni, from CSS - you have no idea how much I missed you guys =(

SO CUTE! xoxo

I was checking my mail today and got a shock!

I changed my theme to the BusStop theme yesterday and found it totally a new theme today!

WTF!

It's like changing the layout of our blog one night and waking up to another new layout the next morning!
I remembered it to be yellowish sunny theme and now it's like this drops of water theme!

and then i scrolled down and see...


aHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

can you see the grumpy people at the bus stop with grumpy faces!!!

it's the same template but the weather changes!!!

so cute!!!!!!! lol

gotta run tata

Updates i

I am blank. And having writer's block at the mo.

So this is going to be random. About updates I can think about myself right now.

1. I am happy that my family and I go church together every week now. The other Sunday we went for breakfast after mass and chatted like a whole 2 hours before we head home.

2. I am "growing" happily. Like gained a hefty 4-5 kg or so. With a bulging stomach and enormous thighs. I fear for the worse. I am starting to give myself away! (gasp!)

3. I curse more now. At drivers. Who whistled and 'chit-chit' at me. And especially those drivers of cars I am waiting to clear off before I can cross, only for them to slow down to look at me. Yes, &*^$#%^%#@ they are. Ooopppss sorry for cursing here.

4. My BF and I have found a little compromise on the days we would meet, and I am beginning to feel okay not meeting him everyday.

5. My BF said I am fat. I know. That is the last row.

6. My life has no major setbacks now sometimes I think I feel like something worse is coming.

7. I am beginning to feel old. Despite still feeling as free-spirited as an 18-year-old. And my workplace has no office politics that will "grow me up" because it is a lab that will instead cultivate me into a workaholic, non-conforming-to-society nerd freak.

8. I think about this certain someone too much lately. Not because I still like him, or because I am bored of my BF; but more of curiousity of where we would be right now if we really tried. Whether a step further from where BF and me are at, or would we have separated anyways?

9. I 'talk' to every dog I see now, whether owned or unowned. I want a dog! :-( that is not smelly and will listen to me. And yes, that means no "affair" outside. Got such dog ah?

10. I am growing darker and I hate it! Someone find me an elixir of beauty and youth and I will reward you with anything.

11. This group of friends told me that I could make it as a model if I am slimmer, 5cm taller, fairer and my face thinner. I don't know whether to thank you or to sulk, so I gave a grin instead.

12. I am secretly in love with Archuleta's Crush, but refuses to admit that I love it because I was an adamant supporter of Cook a few months back.

13. Is gleeful of all the fashion transformations I am thinking of in my wardrobe.

14. I am looking forward to AhKia's wedding next Thursday because it meant i. I have reason to get off work early ii. To doll up iii. okay, friends getting married lol

15. I think I need more girlfriends. Or need my girlfriends to come back more often!

okay, that's about it la. Boring as it is, because I am boring what hahaha!

My Essentials - tagged by Tess-

I figured out that if I don't start anything, I'll probably not do it. Despite several times telling myself that I'll get to it.

SO here it is, Tess!

My Essentials!

The pics are all not mine, I figured that it'll be faster for me to get these online and put them here rather than photographing every item I have and putting it. Because I am lazy like that.

And more reasons for me to procrastinate.

This is going to be longgg post, because I love my toiletries, skin care and I take very painful steps of researching each one before buying one. Well, sometimes I am guilty of impulse buys but most of my items are from very thorough well-read resources and reviews.

I try not to fall for marketing gimmicks and find something not expensive, in case I like it and I can afford it the second time around.

Skin Care



1. Cetaphil Gentle Skin Cleanser

I bought this around RM25 at Guardian's. At this time, I was particularly having a bad case of acne (still having some red marks from those time) and I thought a gentle cleanser would help. It is definitely gentle all right because it's not that foamy and your skin will never ever have taut tight feeling.

But I feel like the cleanser doesn't really do it for me. Maybe I need a harsher cleanser because I feel like if I don't use toner after this, my face is still "unclean".

I am slowly changing to SeaWhite's Milk Cleanser which I think do a better job (I am all for gentle cleanser, y'all) but right now, I would say I am still looking for my HG cleanser.


2. Neutrogena's Alcohol-Free toner

If it isn't obvious, I like gentle formulas. I really believed more in the skin's ability to repair and maintain itself, but we can provide a little gentle help.

This toner is alcohol-free, of which I am very grateful for, because there's just so many toners out there which have alcohol in it! They do make my skin feel "clean" but that taut, stripped feeling they gave me - but now I refused to associate that feeling with 'clean'.

This toner does the work -can see the dirt on cotton pads with swipes of it- and it frees you of that stripped feeling.

Very affordable, around RM14 when I bought it in Carrefour KL.

3. Avene's Eau Thermale Thermal Spring Water

My lab is always blasted with central air-con and external air-con alike because of maintenance of all the samples and equipment, so I am exposed to these cold air every working day. On my desk is this ultimate saviour!

With just a mist or two, my skin gets the hydration it needs.

Very useful because I almost don't want to touch my face in lab. So I am very thankful for this hydrating RM15.90 (50ml) saving grace.

4. PanOxyl's Acnegel 2.5% Benzoyl Peroxide

My answer to clean up my face of acne.

I had huge amount of acne a few months back that I don't come from where! I tried everything and that's where my obsession with gentle skin care comes from too. I didn't want to aggravate the situation!

I have used this religiously for the past month or so, and I must say while it doesn't miraculously keep them all away -they have slowly diminished. Red scarring marks still exist and sometimes, I still get new spots but overall better than anything I've tried.

And relatively cheap, around RM14.50?

5. Neutrogena's Deep Clean Gentle Scrub

My general scrub and has been using for the whole year.

Doesn't generally rid of all the blackheads on my face, but before and after are quite obvious so I am staying with it. Quite small beads too.

Got it as a free gift for something else that I bought.

6. Olay's Regenerist Daily Regenerating Serum

I am using this on the lower half of my face because of the benzoyl peroxide treatment I used more on that part (my acne is abundant there). The result is very "bouncy" skin and it helped in making the red scars heal slowly.

But I find it kind of rich for my normal skin without the benzoyl peroxide treatment. I used to have bumps all over my face when I used it a long time ago before I started picking this up again.

A bit pricey for me, but I think kind of good for a drug store brand - around RM45?

7. Himalaya Herbals' Face Moisturising Lotion

This is my all-day moisturiser when I wasn't on acne treatment (which makes skin dry).
I find that while it doesn't produce any magic, but I find that the overall colour of my skin is toned and it gave moisturisation that I need for my combination skin because of its light texture.

Very very affordable at RM21.90 and with a big bottle at that, 200 ml.

8. Biore's Perfect Face MilkSPF 50+ PA+++

My HG sunscreen for face! I would say I probably cannot live without this now. I tried changing brands, but I find them too rich and sticky.

I like this very much because I think it gave me the best coverage of all with the SPF 50 PA+++. And I can see that it works in that my face is not darkened by all the exposure in the sun.

Unfortunately, this formula would be too expensive to use on the body because if that happens, I'd probably finish a bottle in a week's time or so. And so, I am still looking for a better sunscreen option for the body that works like this and at a more affordable price.

This is relatively cheap, retails at RM24.90 and lasts me around 3 months the last time I used. :-)

SO THERE YOU GO!

All my essentials! I love them to bits and I love reading and getting feedbacks about HG material items!

It might seem like an abundant-lot but I believe in the mantra there is no ugly woman, only lazy ones! And looking and feeling good about yourself certainly helps in a lot of different aspects!

Unlucky week

Very bad week.

First, I had a strings of mistakes doing my experiments. And if it were only up to me, it doesn't really matter but knowing that I have to show my results to my supervisor, all these mistakes (and time) really make me wanna knock my head into the wall sometimes.

I had no idea what's wrong with me this week.

Everything is mixed up!

And to make things worse, I went for this research seminar yesterday. Half way through the presentation, I talked to my colleague and I don't know whether we talked too loud or audible enough to be heard by my supervisor, but after that, he "sounded" us.

I feel so amicably humiliated that we were being reminded about it. Because I feel like those things only happened in primary school when you have no manners and teachers have to remind you to shush down all the time.

I feel bad for my fellow colleague because when we were being reminded, I can see the expression of her face really changed and she is those bubbly, happy-go-lucky kinds.

Needless to say, our moods went downhill from then onwards.

I think she got it worse because today, she went to see him to discuss about her project and he said, "Well, this should keep you out of mischief for some time."

MISCHIEF!?

Sighhh..

Am waiting for weekend to come so that I can have some time-off from this near disastrous week.

(near disastrous because I am sure there are bound to be weeks worser than this coming in the near future.)

Have fun, folks!

P.I.S.S.E.D

I am so pissed!

Pissed because I just heard the most biased practice of Chinese "culture", and I just couldn't fathom that it is part of "tradition".

WELL, traditions are made by MAN and time have changed, and so can TRADITIONS.

Yes, this is the part where everybody else will screw me and say, "but but but we must remember where we come from, our forefathers, traditions bla bla bla.."

save that shit for yourself. There are better ways to remember our forefathers, yea maybe by actually appreciating what they did for us rather than follow blindly some stupid ridiculous "traditions" that doesn't tally with time anymore!

And another thing I am pissed,

is that my hair smells!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of what else, but smoke from cigarettes!!!!!!!!!!!!1

I HATE WHEN THIS HAPPENS TO ME, ESP WHEN IT IS SO LATE NOW AND I COULDN'T POSSIBLY WASH THE SMELL OFF NOW!

There is one thing why I never like clubs or nightspots, because they bloody smoke inside and think they are so cool with the puffs in their hands - pretentious hello?

The only time I can tolerate clubs is when I KNOW I will have a great night with my friends, and then I will not mind to make time! But if all the time, I have to make sure my purse is around and nobody is feeling my butt and staring at my non-existent cleavage, NO THANK YOU pls lead me out of here!

And I wasn't even at clubs!

I WAS WATCHING A MU MATCH IN A COFFEE SHOP, and now I got smoke in my hair!!!!

Am I supposed to sleep with my face pressed against my hair that smells like filth!

I don't even know who to vent out on because some of my friends are smokers, but have the slightest consideration to puff away from me, CAN OR NOT! No, they are not my friends, they are the table next to mine's!

I AM BLOODY PISSED NOW BECAUSE I CANNOT DO ANYTHING BUT SLEEP AND AWAITING ANXIOUSLY FOR MORNING SO THAT I CAN WASH MY HAIR. AND IT'S MY WEEKEND OFF WORK, YOU DUMBASS - CAN'T A GIRL HAVE HER BEAUTY SLEEP ON WEEKENDS!

I am going to curse I don't care, pls raise the ciggie's tax to ridiculous amount until people of only a certain status can smoke them! At least, you know that people won't smoke so freely everywhere grrrrrr

I know this must upset some of you my smoker's friends, but you're better off NOT getting lung's cancer, I reckon.

TGIF! not!

The weekend's approaching, which means another week has ended just like that and..

I AM SICK!

People who knows me know that I appreciate my weekend like diamonds, and I try to make it feel like it's 5 days instead of 2 days by accomplishing much.

And what's with this bugging flu tagging me?

Bloody hell I cannot stop sneezing, contemplating of stealing my colleague's Vit C on the table because she has not come back from lunch, I can't do any experiments because I'll contaminate my samples with the constant sneezing and I can't read or think with the lack of oxygen in my head - so now I am mostly blank.

I still try not to take the day off (workaholic-ism kicking in) even though my superior and my direct senior is away on trips because my conscience say I should stay and be useful. I don't even have to ask anybody's permission, I can just pack up and leave. Yea, flexible indeed.

But I refused to. I have no idea why.

Why stay when I can do nothing and nobody will keep track of my absence?

Wow. Discipline has really kicked in huh. I know I can be very disciplined sometimes, but normally anything concerning self-pity will take over.

Like, "I am sick now and I can really need some treats, oh pity me, I got a bad round of flu get me water, I am going to rest now folks, close my eyes now" kinda thing.

But NO.

I ignored the excessive self-pity I always got and tried to be productive by clearing, cleaning and arranging things. I am surprised at myself.

Ok, my colleague just asked me to go home because she doesn't wanna get affected :-(

Morning of gratitude

This morning, on the way to work, I saw this old lady pushing presumably her husband on the wheelchair.

On the pavement next to a busy road.

It looked awkward, dangerous even. There was one point of time when I was trailing behind them, and I heard them talking about the weather, and the busy roads and they were laughing and joking.

Initially, I felt pity for them but all the remaining walk to the uni (sorry, UM is still my uni; I can't seemed to grasp that my workplace is my uni now - it's still the uni), I have been smiling to myself.

And its the instances like this, I wonder about the beauty of life.

And the people around me.

I heard about this person I know, A who said he rather be working close to his family rather than be lured by the higher pays in Penang, KL or even overseas; because he can't buy time with his family.

Money may increase with time, but by that time, parents will be old and maybe sick.

I have never thought of it that way, maybe because to me, my parents are invincible. That's why when my dad shows his signs of high blood pressure, and my mom of her benign tumor once upon a time - those things teared me because I never thought about anything that could probably jeopardize them.

When I heard what A said who was shared by The BF, I felt instinctively sad but grateful for everything that has been happening now.

I realized that I should start appreciating people around me NOW because time doesn't wait.

I feel grateful that I landed this job at the 11th hour despite protesting vehemently that I will not be going back to this field anymore. Despite my protest initially, I have grown a liking to what I am doing now and quite used to it. And grateful that I do not have to worry about the economy meltdown to affect me.

Everything just falls into place so nicely and I am having every piece of cake I wished.

BF. Check.
Family. Check.
Kuching. Check.
A job. Check.
Friends. Check.
Spiritually and mentally stable. Check.

Now I must thank that elderly couple this morning for giving me the insights I am having now.

P/S: Obama wins! Easy at tht! Wadya tell u? Maybe I should become a political strategist or something lol!
PP/S: Tess, I have been meaning to do ur Girls Essentials tag but I always forget to take pics of my items! And not forgetting my camera is spoiled, so there goes lol. I WILL DO IT, ok!?

love life (at the mo)

I have a completely legitimate reason on why I have not post up updates as frequent as I should.

I am busy with...

Work.

HAHAHHAHAHA pls slap me, I know I can be quite irritating sometimes lol

I mean, who isn't busy with work! (psst bummers, dats who!)

But other than that, life is good. I basically enjoyed getting busy at work and coming home to my family after a day of job well done. Anticipate weekends, where BF and me have quality time together. I still maintain a healthy overdose of certain TV show's addictions (currently it's the Amazing Race Asia totally love it but my fav Bernie and Henry got eliminated dy :-( ) and eat tonnes of good Kuching delicacies!

I have been eating a little bit too much durians and rambutans lately, no wonder I am feeling kinda heaty (err... sounds wrong) this few days.

Oh oh oh and I want to revamp my wardrobe!

Not by buying new clothes but by making them work with accessories, maybe small alterations, a little sewing (that I can manage of course, my skills with needle and thread is almost non-existent. mom to the rescue!?).

Actually I have thought this quite a few times with the bulk of hand-me-downs slowly growing in my closet but never got around doing it, because guess what!

I am afraid that I will ruin the clothes into irreversible mess.

I know I know I know! I am such a safe person and refused to take risks, even when it comes to clothes I don't want to wear anymore - which is absolutely pathetic!

And that's why I am slowly starting on these small projects that involves me taking risks and accepting defeats/failures - can you tell I am the world's most miserable loser?

I am slowly forcing myself to do things that I normally wouldn't do like initiating a conversation first (fear or rejection), talking to strangers like security guards, lecturers, students even (low self-esteem) and joining things I know I sucked / not particularly good at (fear of failure).


I need this. Because I need to embrace my weakness and then probably, hopefully, laugh and joke with it.

Everybody wants to hang out with a good sport.

And a good sport is someone who can laughs at her own weakness / mistakes.

I am still far but I am trying people!

Maybe I should buy that 'Dare to Fail' book that used to be so hot once upon a time.



Oh oh oh about my wardrobe! I am so happy, I inherited a vintage dress yesterday and it fitted perfectly on me!!!! The colours are a little bit off, and I am still figuring out how to work it. But it has the perfect cutting omg I am so lucky!

And you know what! my mom initially wanted to put that in "to be given-away" pile! eeek!

And that's why I say my wardrobe my is full of gems, because vintage is in.



lol.

ok this post is just to rectify the fashion-forwardness in me. I have been a frumpy research assistant / scientist all this while, it's not funny! I wear like a grandma to work. urm a modern grandma with hot body that is (trying to pacify self of ongoing aging).

oh oh oh someone pls tell me what kind of sunblock that won't make me grow dark! I am using neutrogena's sunscreen at the mo and I have grown 2 shades darker! grrr

I walked all the time at UM and at longer periods at that but why why, kuching is making me darker when I only walked like 30 minutes max here! so pissed!

ok chao obviously am writing this at work to kill time hehehehe

love life! :-)

and i wanna eat fried squids / calamari this is totally random but i just feel having them now. any takers?

ok bye bye this time for real liao. BYE!