Stress is not an option

I didn't realize it is Friday the 13th until Tim mentioned it to me.

First, I don't believe in superstition.

Second, I just think it is stupid.

But my day had been super ridiculously bad. I didn't get knocked down by a car (choi) or found some bad incidents happening to my loved one.

BUT I did get screwed up at work today over some little detail but this is the first time my boss actually held his voice higher at me. Even though it is just literally a second before he realizes that he shouldn't have and then controlled his composure, I felt ultra incompetent by the event itself.

And I tried to remedy the whole incident by offering a solution out of my own effort and expense but he turned it down immediately but I am to follow up on the incident on Monday. Which I would like to say SHIT to because now, my whole weekend is ruined by the reminder that I am indeed shitty at my work.

I am sorry that I am OCD at being looked as being incompetent. If there is anything I am proud of myself is that I try not to let people's expectations down about me.

And then when I met up with The BF, I vented out naturally - only for him to judge me prematurely that it was entirely my fault and totally siding my boss's side. Firstly, I admit it was mainly my fault. I just felt that my boss could have handled the situation better. And secondly, I was having a tough day at work today, juggling several things at a time to the extent I didn't even had time to drink water and then towards the end of the day, sort of got screwed.

Like all of that is for nothing, you know.

And The BF could have shown a little bit of love, patience, I don't know, some form of comfort. I certainly didn't need unleashing part 2.

Then as if it wasn't bad enough, I actually realized I have tiny bumps around my cheeks and jaw. Like colorless tiny bumps. Many of them. Not obvious but of course, obvious to me because I scrutinize my face a lot wad. I couldn't bother any longer about saving what amount of money for this month and splurge on Clinique's DDM Gel.

I know I have a problem.

That I am curbing my problems by shopping. Not that I can stop it.

I am having tremendous stress from work lately. And with The BF not helping much and further more, engrossing himself in more Grand Theft Auto and our stupid frequent arguments about pretty much everything - life's to me at this point is just so exhaustive!

The only thing I can really truly smile about now is American Idol.

NO KIDDING.

Like when I know Adam Lambert is performing well, I felt a surge of relief. SO STUPID. But so easy to achieve.

Not even all the shopping bargains I got can cheer me now (but still can't stop shopping -_-). I know, I gotta figure out a way to manage stress, I am so bad at it! =(

It's so crazy being me sometimes, like I am trying to be the super woman for everything - I barely even sleep properly anymore! I don't know whether I like this Suzie, but I am also certain I would not enjoy staying at home all the time with no interaction with the outside world.

If this post is all over the place and you're confused because I am talking about 4658475 million things at a time, forgive me - it's the stress talking. SIGH help me.