Infatuated and Stalker-Mode

I think I have completely denounced myself of the teen Suzie and the Suzie now.

Because I was hunting over my messy table for something and then I found scripts of my previous diary when I was young o-O

Why I say I completely denounce the teen Suzie is because when I read the entries, I felt a little bit of amuse, excitement, humiliation and amnesia-syndrome haha.

Because I cannot believe I was so infatuated and stalker-mode last time. And truthfully, I had forgotten the part where I was so unbelievably delusional and infatuated last time.

Case in point: the entries below
(date undisclosed and some parts edited or deleted because will give clues to who the love interest is)

Date: xx/xx/xx
Today, I saw him again. He flashed me the most charming smile. Now I truly understand what people meant when they say they melted when they saw someone smile. Because I truly melted when I saw his smile.

I don't know whether he was smiling at me, or to someone behind me. Acquaintance we are, but he is famous as well. Was he smiling at me? I would like to think so, but I don't want to put on hopes *crying icon*

Why am I so infatuated this time? THIS ISN'T ME!

-Suz-

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Date: xx/xx/xx
I watched you from afar this time. The sky's dark with a little wind in the air, I can see a little glisten everywhere - it's drizzling..

And yet I can spot you, from 2 floors up on my block - you're playing with your friends on the field. The sport that you love the most, your shirt soaking wet, how unruly you looked than the usual clean - hrm I am beginning to enjoy this supposedly "torturous" duty on an afternoon I took over from a friend when I can be at home sleeping.

Bliss, complete bliss.. Watching you.. from afar..

I feel like I know you or is it do I want to know you more? Will I get to know you more? Sigh.

-Suz-

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Date: xx/xx/xx
You're so cool today!

We had just a briefest of all brief encounters, and you yanked my heart with you when you walked away! I don't know what is this you're doing to me, what what what! SO CRAZY!

I hardly know you, talk to you, not even your friend - these small encounters with you completely set my pacemaker astray!

I cannot appear desperate. THAT'S NOT SUZIE. I won't go up to you and talk to you. I won't ask someone else to "pass message" to you. I won't make "accidents" happen so that I can talk to you. NO NO NO, get out of my head, I can't possibly be degrading myself to this low. It has to be real... and natural.

Gosh, you're driving me CRAZY, XXXXXXX!

_________________________________________________

-Suz-

Date: xx/xx/xx
I am so sad today.

I saw him talk to xxxxxx today. She's fairly attractive, very intelligent and come from a good background. Like, what do I have to compete with her? They looked like they were having a good conversation, him smiling his charming smile and she with her twinkling laugh.

I heard they walk back together after school everyday; guess that gives her enough time to warm up to his heart. I wonder what she says to him to make him laugh and smile like that.

Heard some rumours about them and what a great pair they are.

heartbreak.

-Suz-

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OMG, why am I so infatuated last time!

And then, I initially wrote about him at first and slowly my entries become to him, and then back to about him!!

SIAAW!!!

Come to think of it, I think I am quite over my head right now - because I honestly don't think this will happen to me now haha (if let's say I'm single and the same thing happens).

Even though I am still equally shy as before (maybe last time more extreme shy la), but I think I am such a go-getter that I think I will see him as a target more than a far love interest haha! And of course which makes me go go go go chiongggggg, instead of standing meekly watching him talking flirtatiously with some other attractive girl grrrrr.

But of course when I chionggg, I won't be like those super-like attention kind of girls and talk non-stop and throw myself in all his ways. I'd prollie like try to have a good conversation with him and if well, we don't click from there on, guess we won't click anyways. Sigh, haven't I grown so much awwww.... Suzie's a big girl now..

So malu to post this up initially, but I think what the heck, just for entertainment purposes just like how I enjoyed myself reading the entries written! I think I wrote quite well also la that time, considering I was only... urm... in early secondary (cannot write age ba, very easy to guess who it is haha, I probably got like one love interest for one whole year lol).

But no more humiliation because I disposed the evidence just in case my enemies used this against me and post it up on the Internet or something! *throws into bonfire*

Ok, enough entertainment for today bo folks?

And oh yeah, BF cannot jealous because I love only you right now hahahahaha but that time I sibeh tao yuen you,because I thought you "playboy and no future" *looked how it ended up -_-'''*