FML moment

I am on MC today because I got a terrible flu with my mucus kept flowing out every 5 seconds ...ok I know u dun need details like that but just to show you why I will be incompetent at work. Imagine me doing some experiments with mucus splashing into the samples, not very pretty right.

Anyways, this is another FML situation because albeit I am on MC..... I HAD TO WORK FROM HOME.

I don't know whether to feel sad that the lab cannot survive without me or whether to feel sad, because it is my day off and I am supposed to have a day off la!

I have been calling 3 companies since morning, updating databases and emailing around for the progress of things.

Honestly, FML man.

The one thing I cannot live without

DRESSES!

I was restructuring my room phase by phase.

I was satisfied with how my makeup/work table looked now; it isn't satisfactory but it is a whole load better than before.

It was only about time before I get to my wardrobe.

The problem about my wardrobe is I am a hoarder, which means I keep everything, even though I have no use of them in the near future.

It took me quite strong determination to throw out clothes the last time around, which was a huge pile and 2 big plastic bags to lug around; but I still needed to make some cuts because I seriously only use around 20% of my wardrobe.

The other 80% contains tons of hand-me-down clothes which I kept insisting I can make some changes to fit me, jeans that gone loose (that I insist I will turn into mini shorts -_-) and those huge clubs/associations' T-shirts that I wear to sleep with.

So today, I decided to start with my 1st stage of managing my closet by of course, arguably the best part of my wardrobe and the ones I am truly passionate about : my dresses.

I was taking measurement of them (their length) because I have a certain length where my dresses would look good on me. They were piling on my bed and I thought, wtf just take photos of them la.


And that's when I realize I have really boring colors -_-'''

Like where are the hot pinks? And neon ones? And striking reds?

I have a lot of safe blue and grey's, and the only striking ones are my electric blue's (which I have two wtf)!!! I don't normally buy clothes of the same color!!! Cis!

Actually dresses are really not much of an investment (clothes = investment? wtf suzie!) to me because normally, I only wear them for once or twice. And even if twice, I try not to repeat them in probably a year's span or something like that. Just to make sure people really forget about them haha

But I REALLY like dresses. Because I think it is THE fashion clothing who can turn you from a drag to fabulous. Cuttings, colors, material - dresses are the one thing that can stand out!

And it's so hassle-free!

What I normally do is when BF decided to pick me in a few minutes time is just pick out a dress (don't you just hate that when bf's don't give you time to dress up!?)

In fact, my life is beginning to be too much of a hassle for me to match clothes that most of the time, I go out in dresses now -_-'''

I have casual dresses for that reason, of which I truly am grateful for.

All this said, I am pretty sure this is one part of my wardrobe which will be growing hahaha

Maybe some time, I'll write about my favourite overworn clothes in my wardrobe :-) If I have the time and get a camera of my dreams (someone buy me LX3 or G10 thankiuk then I write that post for you lol)

Revelation

I think I have always been a relationship counselor ever since I started having interest in boys.

Reason being I have an impeccable sensitivity towards a person's behavior and actions, and then I start analyzing them. It's like some psychotic behavior I have in analyzing relationships and human behavior. I have an instinct I would be great in psychology if I decided to pursue haha.

All these relationships' minute details has replaced the role of TVB/Korean dramas in my life, because honestly I am too busy for TV anymore. MSN chats / SMSes / emails overtook TV role which of course puts me in the running of the first few people to die of boredom without the Internet.

To sum up all the conflicts I have put myself "in-charge";

(1) A girlfriend who is falling for the world's biggest flirt who she can't seem to keep away from
(2) A close friend who is developing infatuation for a girl he often sees at his favourite lunch spot
(3) A friend who is staying with bf but wants to break up (but the hassle of moving etc sigh!)
(4) Someone who is liking this girl who is happy being single

These are the ones I've particularly been actively involved in by giving advice and what-to-do's and what to interpret from the other person's actions or words. But there are still small little ones where I've been correspond from time to time which doesn't really need strong involvement lols but still some participation at the best.

I find it funny because I've been asking these people to think with their mind all the time. "He's not into you", "don't fall for his/her tactics", "you've got to be strong" etc when once upon many times, I've also been one that was ruled by my feelings and not my head.

It frustates me when my "under-charge's" don't act as how I advised because I have to come up with a whole new plan/scheme to figure out the problem. But how I conveniently forget when I used to tell myself to "keep away from him" or "he's not good enough for you" or "he's going to hurt you" ; but I still went back for more damage -_-'''

Why all these little enlightenments is because today, one of my "under-charge" sort ot retaliated back to me.

I confronted her because she went back on my ban of no contact with the guy; and went out with him for dinner and supper until 2am when she has work the next day (she needs to wake up at 6 0_0)

She fought back with,

Dun tell me u hv never done sumtg spontns like dis!
It isn't rite, it wud hurt in d future, im wrong - but I CANT HELP IT!
I am not prfct, im not u!

How bizarre. Because I am not perfect too.

Despite my "phenomenal" analyzing skills. Despite my self-proclaimed integrity in love and all. Despite my cries that all is fair in war and love. Despite being the tremendously empathic person.

I AM NOT PERFECT EITHER.

And how funny that it took me one person (thanks anyways friend) and lots of memories to remind me, that I used to be vulnerable too.

Revelation indeed.

Stress is not an option

I didn't realize it is Friday the 13th until Tim mentioned it to me.

First, I don't believe in superstition.

Second, I just think it is stupid.

But my day had been super ridiculously bad. I didn't get knocked down by a car (choi) or found some bad incidents happening to my loved one.

BUT I did get screwed up at work today over some little detail but this is the first time my boss actually held his voice higher at me. Even though it is just literally a second before he realizes that he shouldn't have and then controlled his composure, I felt ultra incompetent by the event itself.

And I tried to remedy the whole incident by offering a solution out of my own effort and expense but he turned it down immediately but I am to follow up on the incident on Monday. Which I would like to say SHIT to because now, my whole weekend is ruined by the reminder that I am indeed shitty at my work.

I am sorry that I am OCD at being looked as being incompetent. If there is anything I am proud of myself is that I try not to let people's expectations down about me.

And then when I met up with The BF, I vented out naturally - only for him to judge me prematurely that it was entirely my fault and totally siding my boss's side. Firstly, I admit it was mainly my fault. I just felt that my boss could have handled the situation better. And secondly, I was having a tough day at work today, juggling several things at a time to the extent I didn't even had time to drink water and then towards the end of the day, sort of got screwed.

Like all of that is for nothing, you know.

And The BF could have shown a little bit of love, patience, I don't know, some form of comfort. I certainly didn't need unleashing part 2.

Then as if it wasn't bad enough, I actually realized I have tiny bumps around my cheeks and jaw. Like colorless tiny bumps. Many of them. Not obvious but of course, obvious to me because I scrutinize my face a lot wad. I couldn't bother any longer about saving what amount of money for this month and splurge on Clinique's DDM Gel.

I know I have a problem.

That I am curbing my problems by shopping. Not that I can stop it.

I am having tremendous stress from work lately. And with The BF not helping much and further more, engrossing himself in more Grand Theft Auto and our stupid frequent arguments about pretty much everything - life's to me at this point is just so exhaustive!

The only thing I can really truly smile about now is American Idol.

NO KIDDING.

Like when I know Adam Lambert is performing well, I felt a surge of relief. SO STUPID. But so easy to achieve.

Not even all the shopping bargains I got can cheer me now (but still can't stop shopping -_-). I know, I gotta figure out a way to manage stress, I am so bad at it! =(

It's so crazy being me sometimes, like I am trying to be the super woman for everything - I barely even sleep properly anymore! I don't know whether I like this Suzie, but I am also certain I would not enjoy staying at home all the time with no interaction with the outside world.

If this post is all over the place and you're confused because I am talking about 4658475 million things at a time, forgive me - it's the stress talking. SIGH help me.

Rant rant rant

It's 12pm in the lab now and I am terribly hungry, with my stomach embarrassingly growling like the sound of thunder and my futile effort at trying to keep the orchestra down =/

I feel that I must write something today for the whole week I was sick, weak and passive.

This week (Monday to me, that is) started off with a holiday which is great news folks, because it gave me time to recuperate for my week-long sickness! I even had time to clean up my room and rearrange my cosmetics, skincare and reading materials yesterday yay!

On a negative note, my mom nagged to me this morning about my lateness in giving her pocket money this month, which resulted me in a bad mood to work :-(

My defense is I WAS SICK WAD! I stayed home the whole week! Did she expect me to rush to the ATM just to get money for her? SO FUNNY

I tried not to get it affect me, but unfortunately failed - I am thinking it is part of my "perfect" syndrome I got. Something along the line that I want everyone to only think the positive of me and unable to accept negative feedbacks about myself. I am working on trying not to mind what other people say/think, wish me luck folks teehee

ANYWAYS, this month I have been overspending already!!!!

I know, it's only the 10th! *bummer*

But on my defense, it is something totally worth it because I have decided that I want to splurge on my skincare!!!!

All this while, I have always been splurging on skincare and cosmetics way past whatever money I have, but more on the drugstore brands la. This time however, I am determined to do in-depth research and find all my HG products!

And then continue using all these products without needing to change my regime ever again in my whole existence in this earth wtf haha

I think being a girl is damn mafan lo. We have to take care of so many things at one time (our looks wise) and then, as if having wrinkle-and-zit-free face is not hard maintenaince enough - they all want us to be successful women/scholars and juggle career, love life and family -_-'''

If that is not enough, we still have fan about our periods and our hormones (mood swings and weight gain) , all in the while we have to look fabulous and svelte.

Ridiculous la the expectations they have on females nowadays haih

So anyways, I was talking about my skincare la wow how did I jumped to some feminism rant haha! I have been sinful some time back because I was over at my bf's house (teng teng teng!!!) and then I fell asleep (!!!!) while watching him play Xbox (chiuuuu....!)..

Why is this significant!? Because I fell asleep with all 345678 make-up products on my face la. So now my cheek, jaw and forehead is ridden with zits from all the stupid sleep (didn't seemed stupid then hrmm..) with make-up on haih

I have been make-up less for the past week in my attempt to detoxify my face haha! What a terrible turmoil it had been because I kept feeling like I am incompetent to appear in public haha, you see what effect make up has on me!!! It is not better now la (so fast du good lo), but I am trying hard not to revert back to my days where I absolutely unable to live without make up!!!

But do you know how hard is it to get quality skin care brands in Kuching! Sigh, I am looking at Kiehl's and Origins because I prefer brands which infuse more nature elements in their products but you know the trend, they don't have shops in Kuching what :-(

So sad one.

I reallyyy think I should become a researcher in cosmetics la, because I truly believe I have passion in the chemicals in a jar etc and all that jazz haha.. Finding them out is actually FUN to me rather than some job task I have to complete oops!

Oklah, end of story I wanna go back mam mam dy muahz folks! Will story more next time!

:-)

Suzie Muzy is STILL sick..

It's been one week!!!! kanasai!!!

While my symptoms are not worse, but I am still feeling sickerish!

:-(

I wants my weekend. :_______(

System down..

I am feeling quite vulnerable at work today.

Feeling quite sick with a major headache, and my body temperature fluctuates like no body's business.

The reason why I am still here, because I should really be at home is because I have been taking too many sick leaves already (or so I thought). If I took one today, I have been taking one sick leave day per week for the past 3 weeks!

But I feel a tad guilty too, because what if I spread the infection to someone in the lab?

Everybody needs to work on their research now, and everybody is especially cautious not to fall sick. Last week, I was down with a flu and decided to go to work because I thought it was sinus (I had sinus before when I was younger) and then passed on the flu to one of my labmates huhu

Then they all forced me home because they didn't want to get the flu too

Sigh.. why is my system always down lately?

AI 8 starts

Let it be known who I support in American Idol 8!


ADAM LAMBERT!

Been a fan of his since Hollywood Week, that guy can sing! He has to hone on his performing skills a little, you know work the Archuleta magnetism thing or something.

I kept praying he didn't screw up the Group 2 stage (as of many contestants); some judges said some negative things about his performance, most agreed he's fabulous!

I hope he brings something to the table every single week! Just like how fabulous Cook is week after week.

Am ecstatic for Adam's performances, with the different themes and all! Imagine he do rock, gosh THEATRE (!!!), pop (ha ha), I don't know I am liking him so much already!

I know he looks a little bit like one of the Jonas Brothers but when he opens his mouth, it's a different story altogether! Can't wait!

On the lookout: Alison Iraheta and Alexis Grace!

I am sad to say that I do not know much of the Group 3's performers to name my favs, but will certainly be watching yeehaa!

Oh, and Danny? Is just normal. I kept asking my sis like what are they gonna put him in? Skinny jeans and take off his specs? Because he's so dull and his clothes are so normal, like I don't see him out there with Kanye West or Justin Timberlake or David Cook even.Urgh.

He's so boring and stop harping on his wife's death already. Let him be known as the guy with the voice/personality/style rather than the music teacher whose wife died if he's really that good. Double Urgh.

And that Michael the oil rigger or something? WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?

I can see him bringing only Gavin DeGraw's song week by week man. Or Daughtry's. Or you know, those kind of songs. Can he really do something else?

Kris Allen is a suprise one to me, he's cute fullstop that's all. But maybe he got something to him, I don't actually hate his rendition of 'Man in the Mirror' but I do agree that AI hasn't been giving him any airtime much (keep on harping those stupid sappy stories of contestants! HATE SYMPATHY VOTES!)

Ok end of story, tell me now - Who is your favourite?